Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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