First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
