Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
