she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
