genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
