he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
