She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
