He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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