She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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