and she was petting her beer can
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
