I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
