Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
