im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
