Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't turn off my feet"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
