I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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