Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
