I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
