what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
