My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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