oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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