Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
