you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
