he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
