Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
