i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
