dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
