I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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