I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
