i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
