Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
