You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
