she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
