I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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