Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
