I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
