real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
