he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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