sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
