I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
