Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
