There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
