words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
