Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wish there were birth control emojis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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