WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
