oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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