There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
