So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
