And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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