you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
