pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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