i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
