i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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