If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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