i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
