i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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