he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
