I only kidnapped one of them. chill
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
